Day 328: Kickboxer: Vengeance (2016)

One of my all time favorite Jean Claude Van Damme films has always been Kickboxer not just because of how awesome Van Damme was, but also how cool Tong Po was too. In Hollywood, they are always remaking films and if you guessed it then the answer is yes. Our film for today’s Ass Whoopin Wednesdays is the new film Kickboxer: Vengeance. Eric Sloane (Darren Shahlavi) champions himself a really good fighter who has just won gold with the help of his little bro Kurt (Alain Moussi). Despite Kurt’s wishes, Eric travels to Thailand to take on Muay Thai champion Tong Po (Dave Bautista). Kurt will eventually go to see the fight, but when he does, he witnesses his brothers death in the ring. Kurt swears that he will get his revenge against Tong Po so he trains with a local Muay Thai trainer named Durand (Van Damme). The film also stars Gina Carano (Deadpool) as Marcia, Sara Malakul Lane (Scouts Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse) as Liu, Georges St-Pierre (Captain America: The Winter Soldier) as Kavi, T.J. Storm (Punisher: War Zone) as Storm, Hawn Tran (Heist) as Tran, Sam Medina (Keanu) as Crawford, MMA Fighter Cain Velasquez as King’s Fighter, and the film was directed by John Stockwell (Turistas). To see the stats and the rest of the review, please click here to go to Moshpits and Movies.

Day 181: Shark Lake (2015)

Shark week continues once again here on the 365 movies in 365 days challenge blog and we have a doozey. I was going to save Shark Lake for an Ass Whoopin Wednesday post because it stars Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV), but not bad ass enough so here it is here. Meredith Hendricks (Sara Malakul Lane) is an overprotective mother and one of the best cops in Lake Tahoe. She had to rescue her daughter from exotic animal dealer Clint Gray (Lundgren) who also happens to be her father. It’s years later and now Clint is paroled and heading back to Lake Tahoe. The only problem is that the lake is infested with some bull sharks that are killing the residents and Meredith has a suspicion that Clint has something to do with it. They’ll have to kill the sharks before it’s too late and they feast on everyone. Lily Brooks O’Briant (Bare Knuckle) as Carly Gray, James Chalke (Don’t Kill It) as Don Barnes, Michael Aaron Milligan (V/H/S Viral) as Peter Mayes, Ibrahim Renno (Gasping For Life) as Larson, Ele Bardha (It Follows) as Ricky, Melissa Bolona (Dog Eat Dog) as Sara, and the film was directed by Jerry Dugan (Between Grass and Sky: Rhythms of a Cowboy Poem).

Like I said above, I was going to use this one for Ass Whoopin Wednesdays, but enough kills/knockouts for Dolph and it’s not really an action movie. This is one of those films that just has too much going on at the same exact time that it kind of ruins the story. Not to mention, this is just downright cheesy and not the good kind. It’s one of those films that features a lot of bad acting combined with some overacting and cheesy moments. I don’t know what it is about Dolph Lundgren that kind of irks me, but he is just so awkward at times. I feel like he struggles to deliver lines and his fight choreography is just a little off at times too. Maybe Sylvester Stallone was right about Dolph after all. There were so many cheesy moments in the film like an old woman whose running abilities in the film is just god awful to watch and the same could be said about grandma in the film. The henchman are kind of cheesy and they get their asses kicked too easily by stumbling Lundgren. The only redeeming thing about the film was Sara Malakul Lane who starred in yesterdays film Sharktopus. I didn’t realize that she was also in this film until I looked it up on IMDB. She is absolutely amazing compared to everyone else, but she’s a little pushy in the film. This is a watch at your own risk kind of film so at least I warned all of you. It’s available on Netflix as we speak and I am going to give it a D+/C- for a final grade because it’s somewhere between those two.

Day 180: Sharktopus (2010)

It is shark week on television which can only mean one thing for cheeseball cinema and that is we too are observing shark week. The film I chose for today was the film that came to SYFY before Sharknado, that’s right it’s Sharktopus. What happens when you combine a shark with an Octopus, you get S11 which is a creature that is half shark and half octopus that was created by a group for the US Navy. The only problem is that the device that keeps it from killing innocent people has been damaged and now the creature is on the attack. Nathan Sands (Eric Robert), the man responsible for S11 now has to hire a mercenary by the name of Flynn (Kerem Bursin) to try and capture the creature before he does too much damage. The film also stars Sara Malakul Lane (Jailbait) as Nicole Sands, Héctor Jiménez (Nacho Libre) as Bones, Liv Boughn (Dinoshark) as Stacy Everheart, Julian Gonzalez Esparza (All My Life) as Santos, Blake Lindsey (Bach From The Dead) as Pez, Shandi Finnessey (Miss USA) as Stephie, Ralph Garman (A Million Ways To Die In The West) as Captain Jack, and the film was directed by Declan O’Brien (Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead). To see the rest of the review, please click here to go to Moshpits and Movies.