Day 348: Santo Versus The Vampire Women (1962)

samson-vs-the-vampire-womenIt’s been a while since I did a Cheeseball cinema film and I figured with my 365 Movies in 365 days challenge almost coming to an end that I would try to fit one in. A couple of weeks ago, Chris Jericho posted something on Instagram about a legendary Mexican wrestler by the name of Santo and when i looked him up, he was basically a superhero. I also saw that Mystery Science Theater 3000 also covered today’s film (and that’s good enough for Cheeseball Cinema) which is known in America as Santo Versus The Vampire Women (in Mexico as Santo vs. las mujeres vampiro and the alternate name Samson Vs The Vampire Women). Professor Orlof (Augusto Benedico) is worried about a prophecy that says that his only daughter Diana (María Duval) will be the next Vampire queen. He learns that the prophecy is coming to life when a vampire by the name of Tundra (Ofelia Montesco) is on the hunt for her along with her henchman. So, the professor hires Santo to try and prevent the prophecy from coming true. The film also stars Jaime Fernandez (A Bullet For The General) as Inspector Carlos, Lorena Velázquez (Doctor Of Doom) as Zorina, queen of the vampires, Xavier Loyá (A Woman Without Love) as Jorge, and the film was directed by Alfonso Corona Blake (The Road Of Life). To see the rest of the review of the film, click here to go to Moshpits and Movies.

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Day 180: Sharktopus (2010)

sharktopusIt is shark week on television which can only mean one thing for cheeseball cinema and that is we too are observing shark week. The film I chose for today was the film that came to SYFY before Sharknado, that’s right it’s Sharktopus. What happens when you combine a shark with an Octopus, you get S11 which is a creature that is half shark and half octopus that was created by a group for the US Navy. The only problem is that the device that keeps it from killing innocent people has been damaged and now the creature is on the attack. Nathan Sands (Eric Robert), the man responsible for S11 now has to hire a mercenary by the name of Flynn (Kerem Bursin) to try and capture the creature before he does too much damage. The film also stars Sara Malakul Lane (Jailbait) as Nicole Sands, Héctor Jiménez (Nacho Libre) as Bones, Liv Boughn (Dinoshark) as Stacy Everheart, Julian Gonzalez Esparza (All My Life) as Santos, Blake Lindsey (Bach From The Dead) as Pez, Shandi Finnessey (Miss USA) as Stephie, Ralph Garman (A Million Ways To Die In The West) as Captain Jack, and the film was directed by Declan O’Brien (Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead). To see the rest of the review, please click here to go to Moshpits and Movies.

Day 177: Roboshark (2015)

Roboshark-2016We are continuing our theme of Shark Week this week with another serving of shark related films. For today’s film, I wanted to explore a title that was at my local Redbox and so I chose Roboshark for today’s film. An alien spacecraft is hovering over the Earth when it launches some pods into our solar system and they land in the ocean. When inside the ocean, the pod gets eaten by a shark, but it ends up transforming the shark into Roboshark, a robotic killing machine that is making it’s way to the city of Seattle after destroying a submarine. While the Navy gears up to destroy the robotic shark, a news reporter and her daughter try everything they can to get the scoop and find out what the shark wants. The film also stars Alexis Peterman (Survivor) as Trish, Matt Rippy (Hellboy II: The Golden Army) as Rick, Vanessa Grasse (Leatherface) as Melody, Nigel Barber (Mission: Impossible- Rogue Nation) as Admiral Black, Isaac Haig (Grumpy Cats Worst Christmas Ever) as Louie, Laura Dale (Lake Placid Vs. Anaconda) as Veronica, Kicker Robinson (Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort) as Commander Sumner, Vlado Mihailov (Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead) as Eric, and the film as directed by Jeffery Scott Lando (Goblin).

roboshark-2015-syfyThis movie was tailor made for Cheeseball Cinema on my other blog because this is a complete piece of crap. I can’t believe that I actually wasted my time on this one because there is a point to be campy because it’s fun, but then there is this. The film features a crap ton of overacting that it wasn’t even fun for me to watch. We know the acting is bad in Sharknado, but it’s an enjoyable bad and then there is trying way too hard to out do them which is what this film did. They tried to be more over the top than Sharknado even calling them out during the film, but they didn’t accomplish it. I have seen films like Mega Shark vs Mecca Shark and while that film had it’s faults, it was still better than this one. If you love really bad acting, really cheesy and obviously cheesy special effects then you are probably going to love this film. The one redeeming part of this film was Vanessa Grasse who is going to be in the upcoming Leatherface feature. She was the one in the film with the better acting skills than most of the others. If this were Cheeseball Cinema, I would say On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I would give it a straight five. This isn’t Cheeseball cinema and with that being said, I am going to give the movie an D for a final grade because The Witch is a hell of a lot better than this film. It’s available on Redbox as we speak.

Day 159: Ticks (1993)

ticksSo, it’s been a couple of weeks since the last Cheeseball Cinema film and I figured with some of the new apps I have, it would give me a chance to see some different films. For today’s film, I was in the mood for a cheesy horror film and I found one in the 1993 film Ticks. Seth Green (Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me) stars as troubled teen Tyler Burns who has a little bit of an anxiety issue. You see Tyler’s dad thinks it’s a good idea for him to get some therapy with a wilderness therapy group for the weekend. The only problem is that where this group heads off to has a little bit of a problem. You see the dope crop farmers in the area are using a steroid to make the weed grow faster, but in turn it mixes with some ticks and makes them bigger than usual. Now the group has to survive this giant killer tick infestation before they are consumed. The film also stars Amy Dolenz (Witchboard 2) as Dee Dee, Rosalind Allen (Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult) as Holly, Virginya Keehne (The Dentist) as Melissa, Ray Oriel (Blood For Blood) as Rome, Alfonso Ribeiro (The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air) as Panic, Clint Howard (Apollo 13) as Jarvis, Peter Scolari (Camp Nowhere) as Charles, Rance Howard (Chinatown) as Sheriff Parker, and the film was directed by Tony Randel (Hellbound: Hellraiser II). To see the rest of the review, please click here to go to Moshpits and Movies.

Day 138: H.O.T.S. (1979)

hotsI was searching far and wide for this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film and with the power of Youtube I found one. So for this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film, I chose the 1979 comedy H.O.T.S. which follows a group of college girls who start their own sorority. You see for Honey Shayne (Susan Kiger), O’Hara (Lisa London), Teri Lynn (Pamela Jean Bryant), and Sam (Kimberly Cameron), all they wanted was to be accepted into the lead sorority at their college, but the snobby Melody Ragmore (Lindsay Bloom) made sure they didn’t so they decide to get revenge. With wild and zany antics, robots, and some crooks looking for stolen money, the film gets wild and crazy. The film also stars Mary Steelsmith (Weird Science) as Clutz, Angela Aames (Chopping Mall) as Boom-Boom Bangs, Marjorie Andrade (Open Fire) as Conchita, Cece Bullard (Better Late Than Never) as Debbie, Karen Smith (Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls) as Candi, Robyn Martin (Ladies Night) as Brandi, K.C. Winkler (Night Shift) as Cynthia, Sandy Johnson (Halloween) as Stephanie, Danny Bonaduce (The Partridge Family) as Richie, David Gibbs (The Killing Zone) as Macho Man, Donald Petrie (How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days) as Doug, and the film was directed by Gerald Seth Sindell. To see the rest of the review and all of the pics, click here to go to Moshpits and Movies. 

Day 130: Jocks (1986)

jocksFor this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film, I tried to search for the right film to follow up the ones we had before and thanks to IMDB I found one. This weeks film is called Jocks and it was released in 1986 by Crown International Pictures. Colleges all across American have becomes obsessed with the idea of their athletic teams winning championships that there are constantly weighing out what sport works and what doesn’t. For Los Angeles College, they are having the same problem and their athletic director Coach Beetlebom (R.G. Armstrong) has to make the difficult decision. He decides that he wants to cut the Tennis program, but their president is against it cause they’re winners. So, he gives the coach of the tennis program (Richard Roundtree) an ultimatum, win or the program gets cut for good. The film also stars Perry Lang (Men Of War) as Jeff, Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit) as Nicole, Stoney Jackson (Angels In The Outfield) as Andy, Adam Mills (Only You) as Tex, Trinidad Silva (The Jerk) as Chito, Donald Gibb (Revenge Of The Nerds) as Ripper, Christopher Murphy (Valley Girl) as Tony, Scott Strader (The Karate Kid) as The Kid, Christopher Lee (The Man With The Golden Gun) as President White, and the film was directed by Steve Carver (An Eye For An Eye). To read the rest of the article and check out the rest of the pics, click here to go to Moshpits and Movies.

Day 124: Hardbodies 2 (1986)

hardbodies 2So last week we watched the film Hardbodies for Cheeseball Cinema and we were pleasantly surprised at how good the film really was. So, for this week’s Cheeseball Cinema film, we decided to watch the sequel Hardbodies 2. The film stars Brad Zutaut (Back To School) as Scotty Palmer who is now a big shot actor. It seems as if Scotty has it all from a budding career and a high maintenance fiance. But one day while on the set of the movie he is filming in Greece, Scotty meets the girl of his dreams in Cleo (Fabiana Udenio) and he decides to rethink his life and what is important. The only problem is that there are people that are standing in his way like the jealous step-dad and the pain in the you know what hot shot co-star. The film also stars James Karen (Return Of The Living Dead) as Logan, Louise Baker (A Cry In The Wild) as Cookie, Sam Temeles (Working Tra$h) as Rags, Brenda Bakke (Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight) as Morgan, Roberta Collins (Death Race 2000) as Lana Logan, Sorrells Pickard (Hardbodies) as Carlton Ashby, Robert Rhine (Knock Outs) as Montino, and the film was directed by Mark Griffiths (Hardbodies).To see the rest of the review regarding how the film was, please visit my other blog for the full article here.

Day 117: Hardbodies (1984)

hardbodiesSince last week’s Cheeseball Cinema film, I decided that I should keep going instead of doing it just one time and I have another good one for you guys this week. The name of today’s film is Hardbodies and it’s an 80’s instructional video on how to pick up chicks at a beach. Well, I am just kidding, but the film stars Grant Cramer (Killer Klowns From Outer Space) as Scotty, a hip and cool California beach kid. Three older guys Hunter (Gary Wood), Ashby (Sorrells Pickard), and Rounder (Michael Rapport) are having a hard time picking up ladies. One day, they see Scotty doing it and they want him to teach them the ways of picking up hardbodies (gorgeous beach girls). Everything is going great for all of them until Hunter puts a move on Scotty’s girl Kristi (Teal Roberts). Now he has to teach them a lesson they’ll never forget. The film also stars Courtney Gains (Children Of The Corn) as Rad, Cindy Silver as Kimberly, Kristi Somers (Rumble Fish) as Michelle, Crystal Shaw Martell (Hard Rock Zombies) as Candy, Darcy DeMoss (Can’t Buy Me Love) as Dede, Kane Hodder (Friday The 13TH Part VII) as Older Geek, Kathleen Kinmont (Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael Myers) as Pretty Skater, and the film was directed by Mark Griffiths (Hardbodies 2). To continue reading the rest of the review, please visit my other site here.

Day 109: Summer Job (1989)

summer jobIt has been quite some time since the last time I did a Cheeseball Cinema entry for the blog. With my 365 Movies challenge that I am also doing, I figured it was never too late to get one in. For today’s Cheeseball Cinema film, we chose the 1989 screwball comedy Summer Job which centers around a Florida tennis club/resort where college students are hired to work. For Kathy (Sherrie Rose), she has high hopes for her last summer at the resort as she was hired to be the supervisor. Unfortunately, she has to deal with a less than desirable bunch of Coeds who are looking to just get laid over the summer. The only catch s that of they want their end of the summer bash, they’ll have to get along and not screw too much up at the resort. The film also stars Amy Lynn Baxter (Bikini Bistro) as Susan, Cari Mayor (Lauderdale) as Donna, Renee Shugart (Screwball Hotel) as Karen, Chantal (General Hospital) as Barbara, George Ortuzar (Folks) as Herman, Fred Bourdin (South Beach Academy) as Bruce, Dave Clouse as Bob, Kirt Earhardt as Tom, James Summer as Jack, Jim Pelish (Can It Be Love) as Mr. Jacobs, and the film was directed by Paul Madden. To continue reading the article, please click this link.

Day 45: Black Mama, White Mama (1973)

220px-Black_Mama_White_MamaSo, besides the fact that I like to watch critically acclaimed films, action/martial arts films, I also like to watch what was called Blaxploitation films. These were films made during the Exploitation/Grindhouse era that featured predominately African American casts. Today’s film is not only a Blaxploitation film, but it’s also a women in prison film called Black Mama, White Mama. The film stars Pam Grier (Foxy Brown) as Lee Daniels, a former harem to a drug kingpin in the Philippines who is forced to team up with a revolutionary named  Karen Brent (Margaret Markov) when they escape from a women’s prison while chained to each other. They’ll have to make it to a boat that is waiting for Daniels or meet up with a team of revolutionaries before they are caught by the kingpin or the police. The film also stars Sid Haig (The Devil’s Rejects) as Ruben, Lynn Borden (Dirty Mary Crazy Larry) as Matron Densmore, Zaldy Zshornack (Hotline) as Ernesto, Laurie Burton (Perfect) as Warden Logan, Eddie Garcia (The Devil’s Daughter) as Captain Cruz, Alona Alegre (The Black Dragon) as Juana, Wendy Green (The Big Bird Cage) as Ronda, and the film was directed by Eddie Romero (Beast Of The Yellow Night).

hqdefaultIf you are expecting an Oscar worthy film from Black Mama, White Mama then you might want to move on from this review. The only award this film may get from me a Cheeseball Cinema Award for Gratuitous Boob Shot Scene. Like all Women in Prison (women in chains as it also known) films, there is always a shower scene with multiple women and they always end up fooling around (see picture to the left for example). This is practically soft core porn and that is why they were played at Grindhouse theaters. Of course, Pam Grier was sexy in the film and she did a good job with Margaret Markov who played the rich girl turned revolutionary. There is plenty of action in the film as far as corny fight choreography from the women, but some a couple of cool shootouts as well. The one question I always have with all these films is what are they doing in the Philippines? I know that it’s probably a cool place to visit, but why is there a women’s rehabilitation center run by white people on an island supposedly run by a Filipino drug kingpin?(According to the film). These are things that never make much sense to me, but then again I guess we can suspend our beliefs for the film. You have to take these films for what they are worth and I am just a fan of anything cheesy or great. That is why I watch these films when I get the chance to. So with all that being said, I am going to grade the film based on the Cheeseball Cinema scale. On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I am going to give this one a 3.2 for a final grade.