Shark Week is almost coming to a close which means we are heading into the tale end of it. As usual, we are continuing to observe Shark Week with today’s film 3-Headed Shark Attack which is a SYFY film. Maggie (Karrueche Tran) is about to embark on a very cool internship at a program under water studying the marine life. It sounds absolutely amazing and fun until something very dangerous decides to interrupt. A mutated shark with three heads wants to make everyone in his waters lunch. Now they’ll have to run for their lives as the three headed shark comes to get them, but that’s if Maggie has anything to say about that. The film also stars Danny Trejo (Machete) as Max Burns, Rob Van Dam (Wrong Side Of Town) as Stanley, Jason Simmons (Baywatch) as Dr. Nelson, Jena Sims (Last Vegas) as Dr. Laura Thomas, Brad Mills (The Drop) as Greg, Scott Thomas Reynolds (Devil May Call) as Ryan, Rico Ball (The Boss) as Omar, Dawn Hamil (Rage) as Alison, Brianna Ferris (Your Worst Nightmare) as Rosemarie, Jazy Berlin (Lust In Space) as Polly, and the film was directed by Christopher Ray (A House Is Not A Home).
This is definitely one of the cheesiest films, but nothing else is new with films that SYFY makes. Just look at the past films that I watched this week and you’ll know exactly what I am talking about. You can tell how cheesy a film is when the same people are dancing the same way to the same song for like 20 minutes. They seem so awkward too when they’re doing it. It’s like the director kept telling them to dance the same way for a while. The CGI was OK in the film, but it was a little too obvious at times. I guess that’s the fun with all of these films anyways which is noticing just how cheesy they are to begin with. It was cool to see former WWE superstar Rob Van Dam and all around machete carrying bad ass Danny Trejo in the film, but they don’t make it to the end which was unfortunate. I would have loved to see at least one of them make it all the way to the end. This definitely would have been a cheeseball cinema film for sure, but I kept it for this blog. It was a fun kind of bad to watch which is why I was okay with it, but you may not like the grade because reality hurts. I am going to give the film an D+ for a final grade.
Shark week continues once again here on the 365 movies in 365 days challenge blog and we have a doozey. I was going to save Shark Lake for an Ass Whoopin Wednesday post because it stars Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV), but not bad ass enough so here it is here. Meredith Hendricks (Sara Malakul Lane) is an overprotective mother and one of the best cops in Lake Tahoe. She had to rescue her daughter from exotic animal dealer Clint Gray (Lundgren) who also happens to be her father. It’s years later and now Clint is paroled and heading back to Lake Tahoe. The only problem is that the lake is infested with some bull sharks that are killing the residents and Meredith has a suspicion that Clint has something to do with it. They’ll have to kill the sharks before it’s too late and they feast on everyone. Lily Brooks O’Briant (Bare Knuckle) as Carly Gray, James Chalke (Don’t Kill It) as Don Barnes, Michael Aaron Milligan (V/H/S Viral) as Peter Mayes, Ibrahim Renno (Gasping For Life) as Larson, Ele Bardha (It Follows) as Ricky, Melissa Bolona (Dog Eat Dog) as Sara, and the film was directed by Jerry Dugan (Between Grass and Sky: Rhythms of a Cowboy Poem).
Like I said above, I was going to use this one for Ass Whoopin Wednesdays, but enough kills/knockouts for Dolph and it’s not really an action movie. This is one of those films that just has too much going on at the same exact time that it kind of ruins the story. Not to mention, this is just downright cheesy and not the good kind. It’s one of those films that features a lot of bad acting combined with some overacting and cheesy moments. I don’t know what it is about Dolph Lundgren that kind of irks me, but he is just so awkward at times. I feel like he struggles to deliver lines and his fight choreography is just a little off at times too. Maybe Sylvester Stallone was right about Dolph after all. There were so many cheesy moments in the film like an old woman whose running abilities in the film is just god awful to watch and the same could be said about grandma in the film. The henchman are kind of cheesy and they get their asses kicked too easily by stumbling Lundgren. The only redeeming thing about the film was Sara Malakul Lane who starred in yesterdays film Sharktopus. I didn’t realize that she was also in this film until I looked it up on IMDB. She is absolutely amazing compared to everyone else, but she’s a little pushy in the film. This is a watch at your own risk kind of film so at least I warned all of you. It’s available on Netflix as we speak and I am going to give it a D+/C- for a final grade because it’s somewhere between those two.
It is shark week on television which can only mean one thing for cheeseball cinema and that is we too are observing shark week. The film I chose for today was the film that came to SYFY before Sharknado, that’s right it’s Sharktopus. What happens when you combine a shark with an Octopus, you get S11 which is a creature that is half shark and half octopus that was created by a group for the US Navy. The only problem is that the device that keeps it from killing innocent people has been damaged and now the creature is on the attack. Nathan Sands (Eric Robert), the man responsible for S11 now has to hire a mercenary by the name of Flynn (Kerem Bursin) to try and capture the creature before he does too much damage. The film also stars Sara Malakul Lane (Jailbait) as Nicole Sands, Héctor Jiménez (Nacho Libre) as Bones, Liv Boughn (Dinoshark) as Stacy Everheart, Julian Gonzalez Esparza (All My Life) as Santos, Blake Lindsey (Bach From The Dead) as Pez, Shandi Finnessey (Miss USA) as Stephie, Ralph Garman (A Million Ways To Die In The West) as Captain Jack, and the film was directed by Declan O’Brien (Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead). To see the rest of the review, please click here to go to Moshpits and Movies.
We are once again continuing our theme of Shark Week here on our blog and we are proud to bring you a review of a classic. For today’s film, we are exploring the godfather of all shark movies, the one that made sharks a big hit, the film Jaws. It’s just another summer on the tourist summer island of Amity, but this one isn’t exactly like the rest of the ones in the past as the town is about to find out. One night, a girl is eaten by a shark and the new sheriff in town Brody (Roy Scheider) wants to close down the beach before it gets too out of hand. The only problem is that the mayor of the town doesn’t want to close the beach cause they’ll lose money, but too many deaths and close class leave them no choice but to hire the shark hunter Quint (Robert Shaw). The film also stars Richard Dreyfuss (Mr. Holland’s Opus) as Hooper, Lorraine Gary (1941) as Ellen Brody, Murray Hamilton (The Graduate) as Vaughn, Carl Gottlieb (The Jerk) as Meadows, Jeffrey Kramer (Halloween II) as Hendricks, Susan Backlinie (The Great Muppet Caper) as Chrissie, and the film was directed by Stephen Spielberg (E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial).
It was crazy to watch this movie and realize that I had never really seen this film because I didn’t recognize a lot of it. Then again, it was back in the 80’s, I was a little kid, and probably didn’t pay attention to most of it. I can definitely see why people hold this film in such high regard because it is that awesome of a film. Even though for most of the film, the robotic shark they had didn’t work it didn’t take away from the film because the suspense is amazing. You’re kind of seeing the action like a beach goer would and what I mean by that is you don’t see the shark, but you see people go under and lots of blood. That would scare the crap out of anyone not being able to see what is going on. The film has some iconic scenes in it like the sequence where the dog goes missing to the scene where Brody is dumping the chum and the shark pops out of nowhere, but my favorite is the scene where they’re sitting around. They’re getting drunk and they are telling war stories to each other, showing off each other’s scars too. The thing I love about the scene is that it seems so natural that it doesn’t look fake or rehearsed. It just seems natural to see these guys finally bond while on the hunt. Robert Shaw to me is an absolute highlight of the film, he is the bad ass shark hunter who kind of laughs at the town when they finally come to him. The battle sequence alone between the three and the shark alone is worth watching the film so I suggest checking this one out for sure. I am going to give the film an A+ for a final grade.
Now that it is Sunday, this is the official start of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, but as you all know we had a couple days head start here. The film I chose for today is one that I really don’t remember seeing so I decided to check out Open Water on Netflix. For Susan (Blanchard Ryan) and Daniel (Daniel Travis), all they want is the perfect getaway vacation as life has gotten a little hectic for them. While on vacation, they decided to do some deep water diving to swim with the wildlife, but there is only one problem. The couple are left behind by accidentally and stranded in the middle of the ocean with no way of getting back. Now, the couple have to try and survive the ocean that is filled with sharks in hopes that someone will come by to rescue them. The film also stars Saul Stein (General Hospital) as Seth, Michael E. Williamson as Davis, Cristina Zenato (Nova) as Linda, John Charles as Junior, Estelle Lau (Grind) as Estelle, and the film was directed by Chris Kentis (The Shark Is Still Working). The film is apparently based on a true story.
So one of my big problems with the film is that for a movie that features a shark on the poster, you hardly see any shark attacks. The idea of a shark bite is implied in the film and you assume that they are biting or getting anxious to eat. A lot of the time in the film, you see them swimming around and circling the couple, but not much else. The film is trying to pull at your fear of being left stranded in the middle of the ocean with no where to go which is something that would terrify me. So, I’ll give them credit for that, but not for much else because I wanted to see some shark attacks. The acting was pretty good from Blanchard Ryan and Daniel Travis as you see them breakdown during the time that they are in the ocean. One cool thing about the film is Blanchard Ryan’s rack that you get to see in the beginning, but none much else than that. I didn’t really like the video quality at times during the film even though they did shoot the film with handheld cameras on a shoestring budget. Other than that, I enjoyed their deep water shots and other shots of the open water. One thing I will emphasize again, if you are looking for a Jaws like film from this, then turn around cause it’s not here. The film I read is based on a true story about a couple that were left behind on the great barrier reef back in 1998. The film is available on Netflix, if you do choose to watch it and with that being said I am giving the film an B- for a final grade.
We are continuing our theme of Shark Week this week with another serving of shark related films. For today’s film, I wanted to explore a title that was at my local Redbox and so I chose Roboshark for today’s film. An alien spacecraft is hovering over the Earth when it launches some pods into our solar system and they land in the ocean. When inside the ocean, the pod gets eaten by a shark, but it ends up transforming the shark into Roboshark, a robotic killing machine that is making it’s way to the city of Seattle after destroying a submarine. While the Navy gears up to destroy the robotic shark, a news reporter and her daughter try everything they can to get the scoop and find out what the shark wants. The film also stars Alexis Peterman (Survivor) as Trish, Matt Rippy (Hellboy II: The Golden Army) as Rick, Vanessa Grasse (Leatherface) as Melody, Nigel Barber (Mission: Impossible- Rogue Nation) as Admiral Black, Isaac Haig (Grumpy Cats Worst Christmas Ever) as Louie, Laura Dale (Lake Placid Vs. Anaconda) as Veronica, Kicker Robinson (Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort) as Commander Sumner, Vlado Mihailov (Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead) as Eric, and the film as directed by Jeffery Scott Lando (Goblin).
This movie was tailor made for Cheeseball Cinema on my other blog because this is a complete piece of crap. I can’t believe that I actually wasted my time on this one because there is a point to be campy because it’s fun, but then there is this. The film features a crap ton of overacting that it wasn’t even fun for me to watch. We know the acting is bad in Sharknado, but it’s an enjoyable bad and then there is trying way too hard to out do them which is what this film did. They tried to be more over the top than Sharknado even calling them out during the film, but they didn’t accomplish it. I have seen films like Mega Shark vs Mecca Shark and while that film had it’s faults, it was still better than this one. If you love really bad acting, really cheesy and obviously cheesy special effects then you are probably going to love this film. The one redeeming part of this film was Vanessa Grasse who is going to be in the upcoming Leatherface feature. She was the one in the film with the better acting skills than most of the others. If this were Cheeseball Cinema, I would say On a scale of one being close to an A-List Hollywood film and five being the cheesiest film of all time, I would give it a straight five. This isn’t Cheeseball cinema and with that being said, I am going to give the movie an D for a final grade because The Witch is a hell of a lot better than this film. It’s available on Redbox as we speak.
I figured since Shark Week starts officially this Sunday on The Discovery Channel that I would kick it off for this blog a couple of days early. That is right people, I am going to try and watch shark movies for a whole entire week and I am starting with the one film that kicks off the talks in The Shallows. All Nancy (Blake Lively) wants to do is catch some waves on a secret beach in Mexico that her mother had gone when she was pregnant with her. You see Nancy is kind of going through a life dilemma at the moment and catching some waves is the perfect remedy to help forget your troubles. The only problem is that when she goes out to catch one final wave before calling it a day, she gets stranded and hunted by a shark who just won’t quit once he got a taste of her. Now she has exactly 24 hours before high tide to try and make a move for safety before the shark makes a meal out of her. The film also stars Óscar Jaenada (Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides) as Carlos, Brett Cullen (Ghost Rider) as Dad, Sedona Legge (Torn) as Chloe, and the film was directed by Jaume Collet-Serra (Run All Night).
I have to admit that going into this movie that I was not expecting a whole heck of a lot because I figured it would be a dumb movie with a big Hollywood actress. In my opinion, it was actually a little far from that because I enjoyed cringing and turning away from the film in the various moments in the film. I thought the film was excellently shot and well acted by the few actors in the film. The standout star award goes to Steven Seagull which is an actual seagull who is hurt and keeps her company throughout the whole ordeal. The shark moments in the film are actually pretty scary or at least they were to me because I am terrified of those things. This film definitely makes it harder for me to go into the water or to even try to attempt to surf. I don’t know what people are complaining about when it comes to this film because it’s pretty straightforward and it’s realistic. I say that because not only does she have to worry about a shark, but she also has to worry about what else is in the ocean that could harm her too. I’ll let you watch the film for yourself to know exactly what I am talking about with that last statement. The film didn’t have a lot of actors, but I think that worked in there favor because it was almost unnecessary. So, its safe to say that I had a lot of fun, but is it the greatest shark movie ever made? Well, I have my own opinion as far as that is concerned, but I’ll let you be the judge. I am going to give the film an B+ for a final grade.